portraits:::chelan

My dear friends were such good sports to let me take their portraits! I had decided before I left for Chelan that I was going to take each persons portrait, with the intent to create shots that were minimal, witty, slightly canned, and ironic - very deadpan. But in return, I was blessed with these pictures - which are much more raw and soulful than I could have ever tried to create on my own. Thinking about it now, I was probably trying to emulate someone's style that I'd seen and liked somewhere - I guess maybe I needed to just get it out of my system so that I could move on to the good stuff. I don't know, but I do know that these are only the beginning... {ie. what folks in the industry like to call..."the tip of the iceburg."}

Well, I have been frantically trying to finish up editing the photos from this weekend away - there are some real gems! - and will have them up on my flikr page shortly, but I couldn't resist sharing a sneak peak.

full circle

I'm having one of those moments. You know the kind. Where your old self meets your current self and you realize either that everything has changed or, like in my case, certain things still linger. Deep passions and desires have just been lying dormant all these years - except that now you feel like you might be in a place to pursue them. Finally go for it.

A couple of weeks ago I was at the Oasis/Ryan Adams concert and they played "Don't Look Back in Anger" and it was like I was literally transported back to being fifteen, sitting on my deck or in my big chair writing the very same lyrics in my journal. The journal I had just begun. And here I was, finally seeing this band live - at 26 - far removed from the feelings that originally had stirred me, but I can't say it still didn't move me in a similar way. I do remember it meaning so much back then. That and other songs were like anthems, speaking exactly what my heart wanted, but couldn't say.

It made me feel a little homesick for that person - the Leah of fifteen - bright-eyed, hopeful, dramatic, anything was possible and yet wondering all the while when was it all going to start. Aside from the awkward teenage thing, there seemed to be an idealism, maybe even a little mystic about me. Standing there listening to Oasis, reminded me too, that back then I was mad for the Beatles (Man, I loved that band!), I was kind of a theater snob/geek, Broadway musical obsessed, and loved all things Britain. I kinda miss her and wonder if I can reclaim the pieces that matter.

So all this to say that when I went back this morning to the journal where I had written those lyrics, I was shocked and blessed to find myself come full circle. Lately, in addition to producing more artwork and photography I have been thinking a lot more about writing. Ideas and scenarios keep bubbling up that are begging me to write them. Where it will lead, I'm not quite sure, but I'm amazed at how God works in a different part of our lives, maybe even for the specific purpose of impacting the future.


So here's what I wrote back in August 1997...

"I finished reading " the Fling" and it really got me inspired to write. Cause the main character is a writer. But I just don't want to start writing something and have it end up like all the other uninteresting sappy stories I've attempted. Which usually end up going the teenage romance route, which is....NOT what I want to write. "Write what you know." Well, I certainly do not know romance and so that is out of the picture. But what I do know is so boring, it's not even worth writing about. And I'm not really into fantasy or fairy tales, so I need to find something in between. And I'm deciding whether I should write christian or secular...? But what I noticed is that there aren't really any cool christian books. Sure there's Christy Miller and Sierra Jenson, or even Palisades [these are christian teen romance novels], but those just make life so cliche, so predictable and unbelievable. What we need is for someone, like me, to write some kick ass book for cool un-Christy-Miller-Like girls.

But about what, though...Hmmmm....

'So, Sally can wait
she knows it's too late
As we're walking on by
Her soul slides away,
but don't look back in anger
I heard you say' -Oasis

I have to wait and let the ideas come to me. Oh...how I hate waiting."


And it's true - I needed to wait, not just for ideas, but for life experience. For God to transform my heart and mind and life in ways I couldn't comprehend then. To realize that I can't separate my faith from the work I do. Why do we have this need to separate between christian and secular, anyway? And to realize that while I still may not have a clue about romance, another romance novel is NOT what woman need. They need the ultimate romance novel (as cheesy as that may sound). Come on, we all want that one - the one that's real. Exhilarating. Satisfying. The one that is not fiction, but playing out right in front of our eyes. I have to remind myself this often - that God is a pursuer. He gave me an inkling so long ago that he hasn't yet let me lose completely, for one reason or another. He's bringing me back around to the point where I started - will I be brave and follow his lead? Will I write?

Looks like it.

a bit of bounty

Last weekend, my sister let me take a bit of bounty from the garden she planted with her three friends. I got some broccoli and an onion. Lots of basil for pesto and I snuck a few apples from one of the trees. But it was the dill and a few plums that really had me inspired! The next day I was eager to photograph them.

Looking at the pictures now, especially the one above, I can't help but feel like dill is kind of a lonely herb. The last kid picked for the team. Forgotten. Maybe I relate to it a little in that way. Or maybe it's just how I shot it - isolated and in a little pile - but I can't help but feel like I want to cheer it up. Let it know that it has always been my favorite herb. And I'm not just saying that! {I had a bit of a panic when I lived in Brooklyn and couldn't find it anywhere. For days I wondered whether tuna would ever be the same....or....potatoes, oh potatoes. I know I wasn't looking very hard, but ultimately I discovered Whole Foods and things eventually returned to normal. But Oh! did I cherish that bottle of dill! }

I would also let it know that like any perfect food it's smell has the power to take me back in time to meals my grandmother made. Lovely Norwegian food - simple (always with potatoes!), unpretentious, satisfying, and always colored with a bit of dill. Plus, I always feel like I'm being a good Norwegian every time I shake a little dill on my food. Like I'm doing my part. Expressing a little Norge pride.

These plums take me back as well - to the same chef, my Beste - they had plum trees outside their home in Seattle and they would inevitably have more than they bargained for. Thankfully, she would use them to make this wonderful plum sauce/pudding/compote, similar to applesauce but with plums. Pour a little cream over it while it was hot and you were in business! So good. I'll try to find the recipe and post in here in the future.

I guess when it's all said and done, in the process of taking these photos I realized that it wasn't a coincidence that I happened to choose these foods to photograph. Both are deeply tied to memories of my grandmother's Norwegian cooking - recipes I know she has only in her head. Recipes and memories I would love to learn from her, maybe even write them down, photograph the process. So that if I am ever a mother, they too, can have similar memories tied to dill...and plums.

welcome to spain, baby!

Lately I've been craving a road trip. Travel. The open road.

Finishing Don Miller's book, Through Painted Deserts last week only confirmed it that much more. He said something that has been rattling around my brain for the last few weeks:

"We get one story, you and I, and one story alone. God has established the elements, the setting, and the climax and the resolution. It would be a crime not to venture out, wouldn't it?
It might be time for you to go. It might be time to change, to shine out.
I want to repeat one word for you:
Leave.
Roll the word around on your tongue for a bit. It is a beautiful word, isn't it? So strong and forceful, the way you have always wanted to be. And you will not be alone. You have never been alone. Don't worry. Everything will still be here when you get back. It is you who will have changed." (from the author's note)

And I guess that's what I'm wanting right now. The type of change that only comes with experiencing new places. New sights, smells, tastes...allowing yourself to be the stranger - opening yourself up to the unfamiliar, unaware of where you are going and even more unaware of who you will be on the other side of it. I've told myself I want to be braver. Take more risks. And travel just seems like an exhilarating way of doing it. Plus, I find driving relaxes me. You make a good mixed tape (yes, still), pop it in, hit the road - perfect time to think, pray, listen, sing obnoxiously loud, and ultimately get away from the common, the everyday.

Unfortunately, with a gallon of gas costing the same as a trip to starbucks(!) and my 1989 Ford Tempo flashing lights on the dash that I have never seen before - reading about the road from the likes of Kerouac, Guevera, and Pirsig will have to suffice, for now.

That is...until October, when the new PBS series, Spain...On the Road again. premieres! Mario Batali, Gwyneth Paltrow, Mark Bittman, and Claudia Bassols - it's a foodie/travel/realitytv junky's dream! Whatever your opinions of Batali - sausage fingers and crocs aside - he's put together what looks like a really fun and beautiful show. I especially love seeing the "real" relaxed and playful side of all of these personalities - Gwyneth shortens words like I do! ("Batals!?!"). Take a look at the trailer - if each show is half as fun as this trailer (sing it Willie!), I might be able to stave off the travel bug a little longer, living vicariously through their adventures road tripping around Spain.
I say, ¡tráigalo en!

on nature

"Then one day I was walking along Tinker Creek thinking of nothing at all and I saw the tree with the lights in it. I saw a backyard cedar where the mourning doves roost charged and transfigured, each cell buzzing with flame. I stood on the grass with the lights in it, grass that was wholly fire, utterly focused and utterly dreamed. It was less like seeing than like being for the first time seen, knocked breathless by a powerful glance. The flood of fire abated, but I'm still spending the power. Gradually the lights went out in the cedar, the colors died, the cells unflamed and disappeared. I was still ringing. I had been my whole life a bell, and never knew it until at that moment I was lifted and struck."
ANNIE DILLARD, Pilgrim at Tinker Creek from Seeing

I love reading Annie Dillard more than I can say.
Her words are thoughtful and deep and at times literally take my breath away. Since the first time I read Dillard - during my time in living in Brooklyn - the outside world has been a much more vibrant place. I have always been a person that is very aware of what is going on around me, always looking, seeking, analyzing, but Dillard challenged me to look even closer - to get down on my hands and knees, lay on the ground if I have to. Nature has definitely always been a place where God woos and surprises me, but Dillard gave words to those experiences that so captured what I could previously not express. Camping this weekend reminded me that I still need to finish Pilgrim at Tinker Creek. Like anything overwhelming and good, I have had to take this book in stages. Letting it sink in slowly - savor every word.

Today, I stumbled upon brooklyn band, The Secret Life of Sophia's song Outside. It's beautiful and haunting and seems the perfect background to a little quality time with Ms.Dillard.

{Download a copy here}

and so it begins...

rough hewn [adj] 1. to hew (timber, stone, etc.) roughly or without
smoothing or finishing. 2. to shape roughly; give crude form to.

I have come to see that I am a maker of rough, unfinished art. I am a thinker of rough and unfinished thoughts. And I, myself, am rough and unfinished - daily being hewn by a maker that woos and stirs my soul and who ultimately is the inspirer of my work. So, in this new blogging adventure I have aptly named Rough Hewn, I share with you not only my completed work, but more importantly the sketchy, instantaneous, unfinished, and in-process bits {because those are the most interesting parts anyway, right?!?} - all of my questions, collaborations, and inspirations.


Here we go!
Time to rough it!