I'm having one of those moments. You know the kind. Where your old self meets your current self and you realize either that everything has changed or, like in my case, certain things still linger. Deep passions and desires have just been lying dormant all these years - except that now you feel like you might be in a place to pursue them. Finally go for it.
A couple of weeks ago I was at the Oasis/Ryan Adams concert and they played "Don't Look Back in Anger" and it was like I was literally transported back to being fifteen, sitting on my deck or in my big chair writing the very same lyrics in my journal. The journal I had just begun. And here I was, finally seeing this band live - at 26 - far removed from the feelings that originally had stirred me, but I can't say it still didn't move me in a similar way. I do remember it meaning so much back then. That and other songs were like anthems, speaking exactly what my heart wanted, but couldn't say.
It made me feel a little homesick for that person - the Leah of fifteen - bright-eyed, hopeful, dramatic, anything was possible and yet wondering all the while when was it all going to start. Aside from the awkward teenage thing, there seemed to be an idealism, maybe even a little mystic about me. Standing there listening to Oasis, reminded me too, that back then I was mad for the Beatles (Man, I loved that band!), I was kind of a theater snob/geek, Broadway musical obsessed, and loved all things Britain. I kinda miss her and wonder if I can reclaim the pieces that matter.
So all this to say that when I went back this morning to the journal where I had written those lyrics, I was shocked and blessed to find myself come full circle. Lately, in addition to producing more artwork and photography I have been thinking a lot more about writing. Ideas and scenarios keep bubbling up that are begging me to write them. Where it will lead, I'm not quite sure, but I'm amazed at how God works in a different part of our lives, maybe even for the specific purpose of impacting the future.
So here's what I wrote back in August 1997...
"I finished reading " the Fling" and it really got me inspired to write. Cause the main character is a writer. But I just don't want to start writing something and have it end up like all the other uninteresting sappy stories I've attempted. Which usually end up going the teenage romance route, which is....NOT what I want to write. "Write what you know." Well, I certainly do not know romance and so that is out of the picture. But what I do know is so boring, it's not even worth writing about. And I'm not really into fantasy or fairy tales, so I need to find something in between. And I'm deciding whether I should write christian or secular...? But what I noticed is that there aren't really any cool christian books. Sure there's Christy Miller and Sierra Jenson, or even Palisades [these are christian teen romance novels], but those just make life so cliche, so predictable and unbelievable. What we need is for someone, like me, to write some kick ass book for cool un-Christy-Miller-Like girls.
But about what, though...Hmmmm....
'So, Sally can wait
she knows it's too late
As we're walking on by
Her soul slides away,
but don't look back in anger
I heard you say' -Oasis
I have to wait and let the ideas come to me. Oh...how I hate waiting."
And it's true - I needed to wait, not just for ideas, but for life experience. For God to transform my heart and mind and life in ways I couldn't comprehend then. To realize that I can't separate my faith from the work I do. Why do we have this need to separate between christian and secular, anyway? And to realize that while I still may not have a clue about romance, another romance novel is NOT what woman need. They need the ultimate romance novel (as cheesy as that may sound). Come on, we all want that one - the one that's real. Exhilarating. Satisfying. The one that is not fiction, but playing out right in front of our eyes. I have to remind myself this often - that God is a pursuer. He gave me an inkling so long ago that he hasn't yet let me lose completely, for one reason or another. He's bringing me back around to the point where I started - will I be brave and follow his lead? Will I write?
Looks like it.
A couple of weeks ago I was at the Oasis/Ryan Adams concert and they played "Don't Look Back in Anger" and it was like I was literally transported back to being fifteen, sitting on my deck or in my big chair writing the very same lyrics in my journal. The journal I had just begun. And here I was, finally seeing this band live - at 26 - far removed from the feelings that originally had stirred me, but I can't say it still didn't move me in a similar way. I do remember it meaning so much back then. That and other songs were like anthems, speaking exactly what my heart wanted, but couldn't say.
It made me feel a little homesick for that person - the Leah of fifteen - bright-eyed, hopeful, dramatic, anything was possible and yet wondering all the while when was it all going to start. Aside from the awkward teenage thing, there seemed to be an idealism, maybe even a little mystic about me. Standing there listening to Oasis, reminded me too, that back then I was mad for the Beatles (Man, I loved that band!), I was kind of a theater snob/geek, Broadway musical obsessed, and loved all things Britain. I kinda miss her and wonder if I can reclaim the pieces that matter.
So all this to say that when I went back this morning to the journal where I had written those lyrics, I was shocked and blessed to find myself come full circle. Lately, in addition to producing more artwork and photography I have been thinking a lot more about writing. Ideas and scenarios keep bubbling up that are begging me to write them. Where it will lead, I'm not quite sure, but I'm amazed at how God works in a different part of our lives, maybe even for the specific purpose of impacting the future.
So here's what I wrote back in August 1997...
"I finished reading " the Fling" and it really got me inspired to write. Cause the main character is a writer. But I just don't want to start writing something and have it end up like all the other uninteresting sappy stories I've attempted. Which usually end up going the teenage romance route, which is....NOT what I want to write. "Write what you know." Well, I certainly do not know romance and so that is out of the picture. But what I do know is so boring, it's not even worth writing about. And I'm not really into fantasy or fairy tales, so I need to find something in between. And I'm deciding whether I should write christian or secular...? But what I noticed is that there aren't really any cool christian books. Sure there's Christy Miller and Sierra Jenson, or even Palisades [these are christian teen romance novels], but those just make life so cliche, so predictable and unbelievable. What we need is for someone, like me, to write some kick ass book for cool un-Christy-Miller-Like girls.
But about what, though...Hmmmm....
'So, Sally can wait
she knows it's too late
As we're walking on by
Her soul slides away,
but don't look back in anger
I heard you say' -Oasis
I have to wait and let the ideas come to me. Oh...how I hate waiting."
And it's true - I needed to wait, not just for ideas, but for life experience. For God to transform my heart and mind and life in ways I couldn't comprehend then. To realize that I can't separate my faith from the work I do. Why do we have this need to separate between christian and secular, anyway? And to realize that while I still may not have a clue about romance, another romance novel is NOT what woman need. They need the ultimate romance novel (as cheesy as that may sound). Come on, we all want that one - the one that's real. Exhilarating. Satisfying. The one that is not fiction, but playing out right in front of our eyes. I have to remind myself this often - that God is a pursuer. He gave me an inkling so long ago that he hasn't yet let me lose completely, for one reason or another. He's bringing me back around to the point where I started - will I be brave and follow his lead? Will I write?
Looks like it.
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